thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
