I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
