I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
More tranny stories later!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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