Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
