You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
