the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
