We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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