She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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