hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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