I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
