Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
