Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
