my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
