I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
