I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They took my balls.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize