Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
