im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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