I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
