Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
