I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
