You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
