I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
