he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
