I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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