I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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