Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize