i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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