She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
