Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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