You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize