oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
