I want you more than these girls want KFC
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
