nut hugger
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
