Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
