we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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