So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
