It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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