i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
