The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize