So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
