Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
