i permit you to call me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
