The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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