I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
