i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
