Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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