walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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