I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
