can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
