Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
