i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
