just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize