My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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