I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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