The best revenge is premature balding
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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