So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
