You can't special order awesome
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
