just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
