the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
