if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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