do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
