i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
