So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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