? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
