He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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