i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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