I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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