btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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