Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
