So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
