i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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