boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
