Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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