you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
