so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i will never coherently bang her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
