Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
