your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
