I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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