Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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