I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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