my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
