So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
