umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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