After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
