Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
