so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize