i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
