he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
