So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
