after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
