god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am full of burrito and curiosity
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
