I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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