I could make wine with my vomit
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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