This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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