how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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