i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You ruined the universe
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
