I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
