Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
