Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
