does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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